I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's blow job season.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
