saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
