God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
