i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
