She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We are two peas in an std pod
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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