i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
