whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
