i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
