I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
