Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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