I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
