He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
