Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
