people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
