she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i think i just lost a toe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
