you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
