Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
