He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
