You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
