She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
