I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
