im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
