You're so nebulous sometimes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
