shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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