two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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