At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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