took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
