remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
