yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
