Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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