Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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