Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
