Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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