This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
