You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
