I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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