so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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