I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
