She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
