I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Houston, we have a squirter
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
