you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
