im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
