finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
