omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
