i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He shit in the fireplace
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
