All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
