I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The best revenge is premature balding
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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