I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
smell my finger.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
