So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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