I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
